


there goes my heart

by dingletragedy



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Parenthood, the most fluff ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28758930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dingletragedy/pseuds/dingletragedy
Summary: “You’re making me pancakes?”Callum lets out a quiet yelp and fumbles with the bowl in his hands, spoon clattering onto the counter messily. He turns to Ben with a slightly bewildered expression, but it quickly morphs into an open mouthed smile.“Correction, I’m making Lexi pancakes,” he says, fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. He casts a glance down at the counter. “She’s still sleeping. Temperature has dropped a little since last night, but I still think it’s best to keep her off today.”or, callum is the best dad to a poorly lexi and ben had a lot of feeling about marrying the man
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 28
Kudos: 122





	there goes my heart

**Author's Note:**

> hello lovelies!!! this fic is very loosely based off upcoming spoilers, although i’m almost certain this isn’t how it’s going to go at all. coke live in this happy world with me!!!! 
> 
> tou can thank isolation and tonne of boredom for this fic. but i left my laptops my mums so i’ve had to write it on my phone - excuse the mistakes and lack of proofreading!

Ben wakes to the sound of Callum singing, muffled and soft from downstairs. The curtains are already drawn back, ribbons of flared sunlight falling across the tangled sheets and into Ben’s eyes as he straightens. His arms are covered in goosebumps, so when he stands, he chucks on Callum’s hoodie, the one Callum had tossed off last night, breathing in deep and purposed. 

He shuffles downstairs quietly, feet light on the ground so as to not wake Lexi. As he gets closer, Callum’s voice becomes clearer. He’s listening along to the radio, some Fleetwood Mac song playing that he’s obsessed with. Ben peeks his head around the corner, helpless in the fond smile that creeps onto his face.

The source of light in the kitchen flows through the windows in a gilded, soft haze. It reflects off Callum’s eyes, making them flash and shine as he shifts his hips and shoulders in tiny sways. There’s a mixing bowl in his hands, and he moves in time with the twirl of his spoon, hair flat against his forehead and still a little damp from his shower.

**“** _Well, I've been afraid of changing_ ,” he sings softly. He’s got flour high on his cheekbone, a sticky drop of golden syrup on the corner of his lips. “‘ _Cause I've built my life around you_.” 

Ben steps further into the room and leans against the wall. “You’re making me pancakes?”

Callum lets out a quiet yelp and fumbles with the bowl in his hands, spoon clattering onto the counter messily. He turns to Ben with a slightly bewildered expression, but it quickly morphs into an open mouthed smile.

“Correction, I’m making _Lexi_ pancakes,” he says, fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. He casts a glance down at the counter. “She’s still sleeping. Temperature has dropped a little since last night, but I still think it’s best to keep her off today.” 

“Alright, _Dad_ ,” Ben grins and moves forward, tucking himself into Callum’s side. He sticks a finger into the batter – to which Callum lets out an affronted _hey_ – and licks it off. “I’ll call Jay, tell him I’ll have to work from home today.” 

“You ain’t gotta do that,” Callum murmurs, so quite Ben almost missed it. “I’ll look after her.” 

“I can’t ask you to do that, Cal,” says softly. “You’ve got plans today.” 

“I wouldn’t exactly call an old pub crawl with Stu and Mick _plans_ ,” Callum says, followed by a soft laugh. “I want to.”

“ _Callum_ ,” Ben whispers. Slowly, he leans his head on Callum’s shoulder. “Stuart will be gutted.”

“I’ve already text them alright,” Callum says, sure as he pulls a finger under Ben’s chin, brings their foreheads together slow. “Go and get yourself ready for work.”

“ _But—_ ” Callum hushes him with a kiss, gentle and soft. 

“God, I _do not_ deserve you,” Ben says, dropping a kiss to Callum’s chin, to the corner of his mouth, catches his lips before he can protest. 

“Yes, you do,” Callum says, strong and unyielding. He cups Ben’s cheek and strokes his thumb lightly over his skin, eyes so incredibly open and soft, voice sleepy and barely there. “I love you.”

Ben tilts his head up, searching his eyes. He leans in and kisses Callum with purpose this time, huffing out a sharp breath when Callum’s hand curls further around his face, fingers lacing his hair, pressing close. They kiss lazily, slick mouths and soft fingers that press in just the tiniest bit.

“I love you, too,” Ben whispers, heart kicking against his ribs. 

It’s barely a few seconds later, he hears footsteps down the hall, pitter-pattering like rain against a windowpane. He stills, waiting for Lexi to appear. 

“Good morning, _rascal_ ,” Ben sing-songs as Lexi pokes her head around the kitchen door, stepping forward to ruffle his fingers through her hair, messy from sleep. “How’re you feeling?” 

“A little bit better, I think,” Lexi says, drowsy and still half asleep. “Mornin’ Callum.” 

“How d’ya fancy keeping Callum company for the day, hm?” Ben asks, although he doesn’t need to, Lexi adores the bone of Callum. _Like father, like daughter._

“ _Really_? Just me and Callum? All day?” 

“Just the two of us, _darlin’,_ ” Callum answers, hiding his smile behind the rim of his mug.

She brightens at that, as expected, standing up a little straighter, an eager look on her face. _“Yay!”_

“Oh, I’m not that boring, am I?” Ben teases lightly, and Lexi rolls her eyes and huffs, shoving him. 

“ _Daddy_ ,” Lexi sighs dramatically. “Don’t be so silly.”

“Don’t worry. Lex. He’s just jealous,” Callum says, curling a palm around the back of Lexi’s head as she comes to stand beside him. She falls into him, going willingly into his side, tucking her face into his stomach. “Pancakes for breakfast?”

“Can I ‘ave Nutella _and_ strawberries?” Lexi looks up at him, innocent and doe-eyed. Ben loves these little moments, the calm and quiet, right before she started running circles around them.

Ben already knows the answer, and he’s sure Lexi does, too. Callum could never say no to her. “Of course you can, sweetheart,” he murmurs, reaching up into the treat cupboard and placing the tub down on the table beside Lexi’s placemat and her _grown-up_ cutlery. 

“You’re the _very_ _best_ , Cal!” She exclaims, as she hurriedly sits herself down at the table. Callum meets Ben’s eyes. He winks and settles his hands into Lexi’s hair, stroking softly.

“Alright, alright, I’ll go get myself ready,” Ben says, biting down the smile curving over his lips. “Save me one. Lots of Nutella. _Please._ ” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A quick shower and a slap of gel in his hair later, and Ben’s ready for work. The sight the greets him in the living room makes his heart ache, all fuzzy and brilliant. 

Callum and Lexi are sat side by side on the sofa, each engrossed in their own little tasks, but Lexi’s hand is solid against Callum’s knee, grounding herself, almost. 

Lexi has a book in her hand, one of the many he and Callum had brought her for Christmas. And Callum’s watching some hair braiding tutorials on YouTube. And _God_ , Ben’s the luckiest man on the planet, he reckons. 

He takes a minute to steel himself, catch his emotions and act like he’s totally unaffected by it all. But how can he be? _This his family._ This is the man he trusts his life with, _trusts Lexi’s life with,_ more importantly. And there’s no one Ben would rather Lexi learn from, than Callum. 

Lexi lets out a tiny giggle as she spots Ben, and he glances down at her, gaze softening at the sound. “What, Lex?”

“Nothing,” she shakes her head, bright eyes meeting his. “Just, this story. It’s like you and Cal, Dad.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Ben laughs, craning his neck to catch the front cover of the book gripped tightly between small fingers. “The princess and the frog? I dread to think who’s who.” 

“Well I’ve changed the story a little,” Lexi grins, another giggle stuttering out of her chest. “Callum is the Princess, but he’s _actually_ a Prince, and you’re the frog, Daddy.”

“Obviously,” Callum laughs, pausing the hair braiding tutorial, way too pleased with Lexi’s analysis for Ben’s liking. 

“Go on then,” Ben sighs dramatically. “Why has daddy got to be the frog?” He muses.

“Because, daddy,” Lexi starts, little hands expressive and animated before her. “When Callum wasn’t here, you were all _sad_ and _moody_ , and then he came back and kissed you and you turned into my happy daddy again. _No moody frog anymore!”_

“ _Wow_.” Ben says, unable to find a string of words that melt together to say what he really means. “Very insightful, darling.” 

“I don’t know, Lex,” Callum says, his voice is distant, caught in his throat, yet so gentle. “I reckon your dad saved me, y’know? I was pretty lonely before.” 

“But not anymore,” Lexi whispers, ever-so-serious, tucking herself against Callum’s side. “You’ve got me now, at least.”

Callum glances down at her, morning light dancing along his cheekbone, lining his face with something so bright and beautiful. His eyes are shiny, looking grateful and so full of a heart and warmth that Ben can feel in the deepest part of his chest.

He presses a soft kiss to the top of Lexi’s head, lingering there. “Thank you, Lex,” he says, and it’s a whisper, barely there. “You’ve got me, too.” 

When Callum glances over, there’s this gentle fondness in his eyes, and stretches over to press his lips to Ben’s cheek, like a whisper. Ben nuzzles his nose against the underside of his jaw, buries himself in the warmth of Callum, hiding the quirk of his lips. He stays there until there’s a persistent little hand tugging at his arm. 

“Callum, what does this word say?” Lexi says then, leaning forward to poke his knee, breaking their trance. He glances up at her, smiles gently. “It’s really, very, _extremely_ long!” 

“Right, I’ll leave you two to it. Don’t have too much fun without me.”

“We won’t!” Lexi promises. Ben presses a soft kiss to the top of her head, lingering there, resting his cheek by her temple. 

“See you later, princess,” he says. “Be good for Callum.” 

“Daddy, I’m _always_ good!” 

“ _Hm_. Love you both.” 

He’s satisfied with the choruses of _Love you’s_ he receives back, making a move eventually, with a promise to phone them on his lunch break and a dozen kisses peppered over both of their foreheads.

He sneaks out of the door, listening to their whispered laughs, to Callum making up silly words and telling stories about two princes falling in love, Lexi listening intently and slowly, laughing her way into a new day.   
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s late morning, nearly lunch time, and the first chance Ben and Jay have had to sit down all day. 

As soon as they’re settle, Ben tugs his phone out of his pockets and smiles down at his lock screen softly.

“Y’alright, Ben?” Jay says, but the words don’t quite register with Ben. He’s too lost in a blur of sea eyes and toothy grins. 

“Hm?” Ben taps his phone gently against his lips, eyes flickering over to Jay, who’s already looking at him with a bemused smile quirking his lips, repeating his words. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Just, y’know—hope Callum and Lex are alright.” 

“You do know Callum’s a grown man, right?” Jay laughs. “I’m pretty sure he’s more than capable of looking after a bossy seven-year old for a few hours, Ben.” 

“Of course he is,” Ben says without a beat. “He’s more than capable. I’m not doubting his abilities, he’s _brilliant_ with Lexi.”

“Right,” Jay drawls. “So what’s the problem?” 

“There ain’t a problem.” 

_“Ben.”_

“It’s just—,” Ben starts, breath as shaky as his heart. “Seeing him there this morning, dancing along as he made Lex her favourite breakfast, taking care of her, of _me_ , it just hit me, how much I want a life with him.” 

“Okay,” Jay says, eyebrows knitted together. “And that’s a bad thing, because?” 

“What if it ain’t what he wants?” 

“ _God_ , Ben, are you kidding me?” Jay says, expresate. “Callum _loves_ you, anyone with a pair of eyes can see that. He loves the bones of you. _And Lex._ You’re his family, he’s told me as much himself.” 

“He has?” He asks, hopeful.

“Mate, you’re so clueless!” 

Ben laughs at that, suspended, but he can’t stop the blinding smile on his face, can’t push it down. He doesn’t want to. “I meant what I said that other day, Jay. I want to marry him. I want _everything,_ with him.” 

“Then do it,” Jay says simply. “There’s a whole world out there waiting for you. _You and Callum. Lexi, too.”_

When Ben looks down, there's a text on his phone waiting for him. He’d somehow missed it, so caught up in his own flurry of emotions. 

**_I tried the french plaits on Lexi, lol. Maybe I’ll do a better job next time! X_ **

There’s a photo attached, too. It’s of the two of them, cuddled close on the sofa, matching smiles so bright and brilliant. Lexi’s hair is freshly braided, knotted tight against her scalp and falling down her back, neat and shiny and better than Ben could ever do.

He takes a moment to respond, trying to collect his thoughts. He wipes at his eyes and types. 

**_You’re brilliant. Xx_ **

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Ben!” 

He startles slightly, locking up the car lot and pulling his eyes across the square. Lola is standing on the other side, waving frantically as she pulls her hairdressing tools up the curb. 

“Hey,” he says, jogging over. Good day?” 

“Alright,” she says, leaning around him to peer out onto the street. “Where’s Lexi?” 

“In there,” Ben gestures towards the house, eager to get in. “With Callum.” 

“Oh, bless him,” she smiles. Ben knows she’s as much as a fan of Callum as the rest of them. “We best get in there and save him.” 

As they come through the door, Ben can hear Lexi’s giggled laughter, soft and bubbly and confident. There’s humming, too, her high, twinkly mixed with the words of a song Ben can’t quiet make out. 

Callum sits cross-legged in front of her, chin up, posture straight, and Lexi mirrors him. With both their left hands raised, Callum smiles down at her gently.

“That was brilliant, Lex,” he says. “Now let’s try with the signs, yeah?” 

“Right, take it from the top,” Callum sing-songs, long and drawn out, making a loose fist with his hand. Lexi copies him, her little fingers twinkling above her. “ _Let it shine, just let shiiiiinee.”_

“Gorgeous. You’re a natural!”

They continue like that, Callum changing his signs as the work through the lyrics of the chorus, Lexi copying him, eyes and hands so animated, until they do it all in one smooth pass. Callum’s voice is a deep rumble, honey smooth, and Lexi has a brightness in her eyes that Ben will never take for granted.

“What did we miss?” Lola laughs, coming through the back door and knocking shoulders with Ben.

“Callum is teaching me how to sing _and_ sign his favourite song,” Lexi says matter-of-factly. Ben leans up against the doorframe and crosses his arms loosely over his chest, watching with amusement. Things seem to be a little lighter around them now, the settled quiet not so tense, not laced with this morning’s memory. 

“It was gorgeous, truly,” Ben grins. “Award worthy.”

“Still better than you singing Leona Lewis in the shower,” Callum protests.

“Hey!” Ben protests, affronted. He elbows Callum’s side, still laughing.

“No, he’s right, Ben,” Lola chirps. “The only thing bleeding when you’re singing, is my ears.” 

Lexi sighs, put-upon. She is definitely Ben’s child. “Can we get back to the task at hand, please.” 

“Sorry, _darlin’_.”

“Can we do the song again?” She asks, humming to herself. “I want to show mum and dad the _whole_ thing!”

“Only if your mum and dad join in, too,” Callum says, and he smiles at Ben softly. 

“What am I getting myself into, exactly?” Lola sighs begrudgingly, sitting down on Lexi’s opposite side. 

“Go on then,” Ben says, drumming his fingers on his knees. “You lead us, Lex.” 

“Callum can you help?” she says shyly all the sudden. “I can’t remember the start.”

“That’s alright, you just listen and when you’re ready to come in, go for it,” Callum encourages, then he nods at Ben and Lola, smiles kindly.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Once Lexi’s satisfied with their final performance, Lola sneaks into the kitchen to get started on tea, roping Ben into peel potatoes. 

They stand side by side, hips bumping as they sing along to the radio, their rhythm interrupted every few minutes by a soft pitter patter filtering through the crack in the door. Ben feels a soft content settle itself in his chest. 

When he glances over, Lola is already watching him with a gentle fondness in her eyes. 

“What?” Ben questions, crease in his brow. 

“Nothing,” Lola laughs, fond. “Just you. _Smitten_.” 

“Shut up,” Ben scoffs, rolling his eyes, and Lola falls into silent laughter.

“It’s rare, Ben, what you two have,” Lola says, voice right and torn. Ben’s heart aches for his two best friends. “So you hold on to him, and you don’t ever let go.”

“I won’t,” Ben says. “I won’t let him go.”

_He couldn’t,_ not even if he wanted to. He loves Callum so desperately he burns with it.

“I’m proud of you, y’know?” Lola whispers to him fiercely. She pulls back to look him in the eye. “This is your life, Ben. Look at how you’ve changed it. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.”

“I am,” Ben says. “I’m so happy, Lo.”

“Good,” she sniffs harshly and wipes at her eyes.

“He changed my life,” Ben says, eyes hot. “Every day, every minute I spend with him. He’s changing it.” 

“And this is what you want, is it?” Lola asks, voice low and kind. “This, what you have now, this is your biggest wish?” 

Ben hums thoughtfully, mulling it over in his mind.

Before Callum, if he were to find a genie in a bottle, his three wishes would be a no brainer: unconditional love, acceptance, and his very own family. God only knows how many sleepless nights Ben had spent wishing for those things over the years. 

But now he has Callum, he has all those things and so much more. The only thing that Ben could fathom wishing for now, is for everything to be just like this for the rest of his life.

“I don’t see a future without him in it, and I don’t want one. So yeah, my dream, my biggest wish, is to have everything I have right now, for the rest of my life. To have him and to be this happy forever.” 

“ _God_ , Ben. He’s for real, ain’t he?” Lola says, eyes, glistening bright in the streetlight caught through the blinds. She smiles at him over the rim of her mug.

“Yeah,” Ben says, entire face is flushed pink as he lets himself dream it. There’s something bubbling in his stomach, an excited fizzling that makes his fingers shake. “He, um. He’s my person. _He’s everything, y’know?_

“And want it all with him,” he continues, heart caught in his throat as his next words break free from the dust coated chambers of his heart, from the hopes and dreams he never thought he’d live. “The house with a white picket fence, two point five kids and however many dogs it takes. _All of it.”_

“Then you know what you need to do.”

Ben laughs wetly and wipes at his eyes, breathing in and out, once, twice, three times. Cool. Collected. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When he treds back into the living room, Lexi is asleep on Callum’s lap, head pillowed against his thighs, the soft waves of her hair gone fluffy and wild, falling from her day old plaits.

A silence falls between them, soft as snow. 

“Thank you” Ben says, sincere. “For today. For _everything. Oh_ ”

“No need to thank me,” Callum says. He tucks a stray piece of Ben’s hair back in place, letting his fingers linger there, scratching gently, both of them silent save for the low mumble of the television. “I’d do anything for you, remember? That stands for our Lexi, too.”

Ben shakes his head against the emotion he’s feeling. He feels like stars, inside and out, like his supernova has finally exploded and left behind a bright, starry sky; a distant hope, so clear. 

“Love you, so much,” he whispers, quick and swallowed straight up by a kiss. 

Callum’s smile is a tiny quirk of his lips, a full crinkle of his eyes. They breathe through their noses, air fluttering over their skin. When Callum pulls away, their mouths just rest together, brushing with each inhale and exhale. 

“Love you, too,” Callum says, his intake of breath is soft, even when his voice wobbles slightly.

After a beat, Lexi awakes below them, a sluggish _ewww_ fills the air. 

“You feeling better, baby?” Ben whispers. He kisses her head, again and again.

“Lots better,” Lexi mumbles, drowsy and half asleep. “Callum is really good at looking after people, daddy.”

“He sure is,” Ben says, emotions thick and weighty. “Tough cookie, ain’t ya?”

“The toughest.” 

As Lexi’s tired eyes flutter shut again, Ben tucks himself down into Callum’s side. Callum’s hand finds Ben’s, and he tangles their fingers together lightly, his other, rests onto of Lexi’s head, joining Callum’s there. Ben reckons this is what they mean, when they talk about holding the whole world in your hand. 

And this moment, Ben decides, will last forever. Because this moment is never-ending. This moment began with their first look, carried through with them till their first touch, and ran along to their first kiss, and it won’t ever end. Because there won’t ever be an end to the two of them, he’s so sure of it. Not even when they’re gone from the world, because Ben knows, whatever happens, they’ll find each other in every world, up in the sky with the rest of the stars. 

_Why? Because they’re forever, perpetual, infinite._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! comments kudos greatly appreciated <333 dingletragedy on tumblr / twitter .. come say hi x


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